Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
