Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
