i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
