neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
