summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
