the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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