why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
