I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
