No stitches, just platelets and will power
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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