NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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