Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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