hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
