my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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