I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
