the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
