yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
