Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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