In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
