i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
