Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
