I got chris browned last night
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
