Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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