90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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