I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
