he puts the penis in happiness.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
