lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
