She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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