And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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