Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
