put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
