It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
