I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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