we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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