i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
