I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
