Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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