i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
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Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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