So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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