apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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