I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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