So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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