I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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