I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
