I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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