Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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