Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
