there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
