my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
