I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need to calm my uterus...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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