ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
