This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
