I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
