That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
