I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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