I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
