i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize