Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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