True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
