oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
