nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
